When you can bear your own silence you are free. (Mooji)
Last night I was unable to fall asleep. I lay in bed awake. My thoughts were spinning in my head, constantly moving, keeping me restless. Usually practicing yoga nidra at night helps me to calm down and fall asleep. But yesterday it didn’t. So I got up again, and sat down for some lettering. Somehow this quote pulled my attention.
Silence. When did you experience true silence lately? Being by yourself, no music, no tv, no phone (yes!) and no job to do. Just you and the silence. Well for me this was – exactly – yesterday night. And I didn’t manage to bear it. My mind took the opportunity of non-business and non-distraction to take control and bother me with all that thoughts. I really felt unfree and uneasy, because I wanted to sleep. I was tired, hardly able to keep my eyes open, yet not sleeping.
However, unless it’s keeping me from getting some rest, bearing the silence is not such a great issue for me. I enjoy it. Spending time on my own without distractions, I can fully immerse myself into whatever I’m doing. It allows me to be conscious of the present moment, being in the now. While I’m lettering or painting in silence I enter a meditative state that eventually clears my mind from any attaching thought.
Still I know, that being for oneself and bearing the own silence can be very hard and even give you a depressed feeling. I know people, who have many friends, whom they meet and talk to very often. It was hard for me to imagine that they ever could experience loneliness. However, feeling lonely is a big matter for some of them. And its really the feeling of loneliness not actually being lonely. To my mind, that’s because they can’t bear their own silence. As soon as they are alone for a while, and tired of listening to music and watching tv, they feel uneasy. Just as I did last night.
When you are for yourself, you’re temporarily disconnected from the outer surroundings. Being in silcence will tell you, if you’re also disconnected from your inner Self. Since affiliation is a great need, experiencing separation makes us suffer. I suffered from loneliness, too, and only when I began my daily yoga and meditation routine, I got in contanct with my Self, providing me a miracolous feeling of being whole, oneness and union. Then loneliness vanished and I began to rejoice being in silence again. To me my own silence is nothing that I have to bear but something that I may enjoy for a few minutes, when I manage to clear my mind.
With this in mind (hehe), I sincerely wish you the expericence of enjoyably bearing your own silence. Free your mind, free yourself.
With hugs and an open heart,